Painting human figures have always been intimidating for me due to its difficulty and a high expectation that I put on myself. It has been a struggle I’ve had for years that made me question my ability and identity as an artist, as I believe that a “real artist” is one that can paint figures realistically, and are actually good at it.
I flunked my figure drawing class in college and earned a C. Perhaps it was difficult for me to focus in class while looking at nude models, perhaps I just didn’t have the necessary skills to do it just yet. It was difficult seeing my other classmates easily create flawless figures with just a few strokes on the paper while I’m stuck with a deformed looking figure. Those deformed human drawings scared me enough that I avoided drawing people altogether for the longest time.
A few months ago as I was starting a new painting, the thought of painting figures fluttered through my mind and my deepest desires. I dare myself to do something difficult, just this once, and never have to do it again. I have been avoiding figure painting for over ten years now, and I’m not getting any younger, so it’s either now or never.
I went to get the image of Venus de Milo printed and went straight to sketching on my sketchbook. Everything was off. I haven’t held and drawn with a pencil for the longest time and so it felt awkward, I couldn’t find the right proportions, let alone placing the facial features at the correct spot (which is by the way what makes figure paintings difficult). I felt like a failure once again.
I thought to myself once again, how hard can it be, really? So I went to see the first tutorial on Youtube on how to draw portraits, giving myself another chance to make it work, and bam! All I needed was a couple of lines (very important lines) in the beginning to get the proportions in all the right places, and the rest is really just adding light and dark shades.
All I needed to get going was a few minutes of Youtube tutorial. In this moment I realized, no matter how many years we’ve been doing the things we do, we never really stop learning.
After creating a good enough sketch on the sketchbook, I went straight to the canvas. Was it scary to paint on a one meter canvas? Yes. But I had to, just for this once. It turned out to be the most liberating experiences ever. Once I give enough time for the painting to turn out out the way it is supposed to be, I realized I am not scared of painting figures. I am scared failing, I am scared of seeing myself fall short from my own expectations, I am scared to face the truth that I’m not good enough as an artist.
All of these fears were diminished the moment the painting starts to look the way it is supposed to be. You realize it was difficult, but it is not impossible. Thus, the thing about fear is that it always seems bigger than it actually is, and the only way to overcome itis to actually do it.
Being able to finish this painting has restored my confidence in being an artist. It is also a reminder that:
- Painting is a skill that can be learned, but you have to be patient as it is very time consuming
- Failure inevitable in learning, anyone is rarely good at anything in the initial stages
- Focus on progress over perfection
- Fear is imaginary, and is bigger than the actual deal
- The only way to overcome your fear is to actually do it
- It helps to tell yourself that you are doing a “study” instead of a masterpiece, there is less pressure to make it perfect
What are your fears? How can you overcome them?
